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The Colbert Bump
The Colbert Bump is the curious phenomenon whereby anyone who appears on The Colbert Report gets a huge boost in popularity, causing them to win elections, receive major awards and even get laid (The Colbert Bumpin' Uglies). The Colbert Bump is the surge of enthusiasm The American Public has for a politician, candidate for office, author or other personality after they appear on The Colbert Report. Dr. Stephen Colbert, the host of the show, has suggested that the bump is "good for at least a couple of points." Findings, however, show that the bump raises the poll numbers for political candidate by no fewer than 10 points. This was first evidenced in the 2006 midterm elections. Statistics are currently unavailable for The Bump's influence on box office results or chart position/sales numbers for books and music. The factonistas that need ::Shudder:: evidence can see the results of The Colbert Bump below. All results obtained via the Fox News website. 2006 Midterm Elections Below are people interviewed by Dr. Colbert and won their respective elections. *Jack Kingston, Georgia's 1st, wins with 68% of the vote. *Barney Frank, Taxachusetts' 4th, wins with 100% of the vote. *Stephanie Tubbs-Jones, Ohio's 11th, wins with 83% of the vote. *John Mica, Florida's 7th, wins with 63% of the vote. *Mark Udall, Colorado's 2nd, wins with 67% of the vote. *Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick, Michigan's 13th, wins with 100% of the vote. *Jim Moran, Virginia's 8th District, wins with 66% of the vote. *Steve Rothman, New Jersey's 9th, wins with 71% of the vote. *Eliot L. Engel, New York's 17th, wins with 76% of the vote. *Bill Pascrell, New Jersey's 8th District, wins with 71% of the vote. *Jerrold Nadler, New York's 8th District, wins with 83% of the vote. *Chaka Fattah, Pennsylvania's 2nd District, wins with 89% of the vote. *Linda Sanchez, California's 39th, wins with 66% of the vote. *Brad Sherman, California's 27th, wins with 69% of the vote. *Adam Schiff, California's 29th, wins with 64% of the vote. *Darlene Hooley, Oregon's 5th, wins with 54% of the vote. *Albert Wynn, Maryland's 4th, wins with 81% of the vote. *Phil Gingrey, Georgia's 11th, wins with 71% of the vote. *Earl Blumenauer, Oregon's 3rd, wins with 74% of the vote. *Lee Terry, Nebraska's 2nd, wins with 55% of the vote. *Lynn Westmoreland, Georgia's 3rd, wins with 67% of the vote. *Diana DeGette, Colorado's 1st, wins with 79% of the vote. *Rick Larsen, Washington's 2nd, wins with 66% of the vote. *Robert Wexler, Florida's 19th, wins with 100% of the vote. *Eleanor Holmes Norton, District of Colombia, wins with 100% of the vote. *Lynn Woolsey, California's 6th, wins with 69% of the vote. *Xavier Becerra, California's 31st, wins with 100% of the vote. *James Saxton, New Jersey's 3rd, wins with 58% of the vote* *John Hall of New York's 19th, wins with 51% of the vote *Albio Sires of New Jersey's 13th, wins with 78% of the vote** *It seems that, perhaps, Mr. Rich Sexton (challenger) was accidentally interviewed instead of the incumbent representative Mr. Saxton. Dr. Colbert had no way of knowing the difference and represented the interviewed as Mr. Saxton. This inevitably lead to Mr. Saxton's victory. **New Jersey's 13th District was vacant when Dr. Colbert interviewed it. Obviously, that exposure helped Mr. Sires to his victory over vacancy. Loophole Senators After appearing on The Colbert Report, Ned Lamont won the Democratic nomination for the 2006 Connecticut Senatorial elections against Joe Lieberman who refused to appear on The Report even though Stephen had provded him a comfy wingback chair. Lamont did not return to The Colbert Report prior to the general election, leading to his loss to Lieberman. This proves that The Colbert Bump is more influential than Joementum. 2008 Presidential Candidates *Mike Huckabee After receiving the bump from a two minute interview Mikes' poll rating went from 1% to 3%, thats a 300% improvement; if he keeps this up then by election he will receive 88,128,000 percent of the popular vote. *Ron Paul After receiving the bump from an interview Ron's poll rating went from 1% to 2%; which is not counting the massive attention he received after he left the studio. *Mike Gravel Due to his appearance on The Colbert Report, on May 2, 2007, Stephen predicted a .5% rise in Senator Gravel's poll numbers. Recording Artists *Toby Keith Writers *Sir Salman Rushdie